...... argh!

here i am, the computer is positioned in such a way that i could surf while sitting on my bed (more comfy than my computer table swivel chair). my eyes were getting heavy earlier while i was reading (the time traveler's wife - really, really great book, must read!). eversince horacio left, i couldn't get myself to go to bed. i just wanna surf the net and try to stay up although i want to sleep and rest. i was planning on going out with my bro tomorrow, but as i predicted this morning (even before making the plans) i am feeling too lazy to go out.

it's weird, eversince we took the test and the review has ended, i thought i would have more energy and wouldn't be too tired. so far, nothing has changed. i leave worker later than supposed to be (my work sched is 9:30 to 4pm), get home pretty exhausted. it took so much effort for me to go out friday with horacio and finish christmas shopping. by the time we have checked everyone on our list, it took so much effort to not beg horacio to carry me up to the subway platform, and to our apartment. i landed on my bed as soon as we got home and everytime i tried to stand up my legs felt wobbly and seems to give in on me. i don't know what it is, but i am guessing that there is just too much things going on at work lately plus the (desperately) wanting to get an interview, be offered with a unit and hospital that i would love is just taking a toll on me. although i kinda am taking my time in applying since i am so scared of going into a "real" job interview. i just don't like interviews... i get too shy, my heart would start pounding which would cloud my brain and somehow slow down the synapses. (flashback of my first year highschool declamation!)

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lately, i also had been thinking of taking up culinary lessons. don't ask me why. i also wanna learn how to drive and have my own car (another don't ask me why). i also want to go on a trip, where? i don't know. anywhere. i guess, i was just so used on not being in new york during christmas and/or new year. i miss christmas (or any holiday/celebration) in manila. i miss the kids running around getting all excited for their gifts... i miss the chaos that surrounds us during christmas time. it's a happy kind of chaos that when you're there you'd wish everyone would stop and just keep quiet, yet you know if that happens it just won't be the same.

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planning on getting me gift but no clue what to get me? go to www.thethingsiwant.com and look up my name... :)

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it's getting cold and my body is asking for warmth... so i guess i am gonna try sleep now... hopefully, i wake up refresh in the morning with the will to go out and take in the outside world.