to get or not to get... that is the question.

i have been going back and forth in my decision about getting a new phone. most the phones that i've had is either a hand-me-down or free. i have been looking through t-mobile's phones and there are two phones that i am eyeing... the T-Mobile MDA or the Blackberry Pearl. this time, neither one is free nor a hand-me-down. the MDA is actually $250 and the Pearl $200... am i really ready to spend so much for a phone??? knowing me, i would scratch it so badly and probably drop it numerous of time.. is it worth it?? or maybe the reason why i don't really mind dropping my phone is because i didn't pay a single cent on it.. maybe paying $250 on a phone will make a difference...

another thing is that the size... i saw someone with the mda earlier, and it's not that bad. i like it. no, i REALLY like it.

should i get it or not??

life.

i was about to have dinner, when i got a message from an old co-worker of mine about a friend who is now in coma. i called him back immediately, and found out that she and her boyfriend went to boston to snowboard.

i was in shock. i couldn't believe what i heard. memories of her just flashed through me like a slideshow. it's so hard to imagine her being in that state. we may not be that close, but memories are there.

somehow i still can't imagine how sudden a life could be. although i have experienced it on the floor (hospital), encountering patients who are very much alert, few days after that they are just spiraling down. then again, i have elderly patients. it's just so hard to imagine someone my age in a critical condition. i guess, this just proves that i really can't work for pediatrics.

it's just surreal. life, sometimes, could be so surreal.

i just pray for her and her family, to have the courage during this trying times.

brain diarrhea... (no pun intended)

yes... it's been a while since i have blogged.

let me re-phrase that -- it's been a while since i have been online.

i got a call from a friend the other day. she just got back from philippines a couple of weeks ago. she figured out that i have started working in a hospital since i havent't been online for quite a while now.

it's weird how i used to be online almost 24/7, read random people's blog nad the news each morning, blog almost each day... until i have attained a position in the health care.

well, one thing, there is no internet in the hospital. the online online resource we could avail there is the intranet, micromedex and to page the doctor. another thing, even if there was internet available on the floor, it's not like you have at least ten minutes to stay in front of the computer to surf the web! ok, so you can sit in front of the computer for 20 minutes, but those times are devoted into checking if there are any "new orders" or things that has to finalized for a patient. even then, you would be called into a patient's room to do something, or begin giving medications and by the time you get back to the computer, someone else is using it. the ratio and proportion of computers to healthcare workers are really off!

then again, i couldn't really complain. i love my job. i enjoy the patients and the people that i work with. i enjoy being able to talk to the patients and hear their life stories. i am also guilty for enjoying being asked my age and getting compliments that i look really young for my age or that they have a son that is single and looking (hahaha).

on the other side, i miss being online. i haven't heard from my sister since... i don't know when. and yes, we (the three of us) have blog, yet everyone seems to be so busy lately that no one has ever updated it, except for the occassional greetings and very rare rants. i haven't really spoken to my mom. everytime she calls, it's either i am working or i am already asleep. i know.. it's sad.

i guess that's why i have been thinking about getting a blackberry (or the likes). i want to stay in touch my family. but, then again.. would i really be able to use it when i am on the floor? e-mail maybe? then, what's the use of having internet at home?? on top of that, there is the additional monthly payment for me to have that IM and e-mail capabalities on my phone. is it really worth it?

i don't know.... but right now, i just feel like i have lost in touch with a lot of people.


*********

look at the time now... better get some sleep.