another sleepless night...

been in bed for like more than an hour... my sleeping habits had been awful that i waste all my time during the day trying to catch up before going to work. i guess jackie was right, my time is just as if i am still in manila.

yes, i spoke to jackie. called her up the other day for her birthday. i missed that little brat! she was really talking to me.. she wasn't her usual whining self, i guess she was in a great mood since it was her birthday and all.

ok.. back to the reason why i couldn't sleep tonight... wedding. i know, horacio and i made a deal about not planning it until after marleni's wedding. but i couldn't help it. i wasn't even trying to think about it, and was even trying to push it out of my head. but the idea for the escort cards kept popping up and it just seems so cute and i get all excited again! maybe it's because of saturday....

saturday was marleni's bowling thingy for all the bridesmaids and groomsmen (plus horacio). she just appears so relaxed about the whole thing. i dunno... i also felt so envious of her, having her sister by her side and all. getting these evites from her sister, plans for a bridal shower, dress fitting and another night out with the bridal party. i think things would have been different if achi was here. i think i wouldn't be as stressed as i have/had been if my sister was actually here, planning and helping my finally make up my mind and make some decisions. it's hard... horacio kept trying to make feel better by saying that our friends are around and willing to help me plan, but it's just not the same. it's really not the same. no offense to my friends, they are great and all and i know and am thankful for them, but... i guess there really is no comparison when it comes to family. no matter how they could drive you crazy... i guess this is where my stress stems from... feeling that there's no other way to plan this but with my sister. it just feels weird having a friend plan your bridal shower and shop for wedding dress when you have a sister. not to mention, someone who plans these type of events for other people. i just feel like my wedding won't be complete without her by my side and without my dad to give me away as well. i've always wanted a father-daughter dance, eventhough i know my dad isn't the type to dance in public (nor in private). i've always dreamed "butterfly kisses" would be the song for my father-daughter dance. i remember playing that song to horacio before coz i wanted him to hear it, i cried and just thought of my dad. i know.. i'm very emotional and sentimental... i'm gonna be needing a waterproof make-up on my wedding day!

i just hope there would be some sort of miracle that would make all my prayers come true.