is the grass really greener on the other side?

During my going away surprise party at elmhurst, a supervisor told me that sometimes the grass is not greener on the other side of the fence. I just smiled and replied a non-committal reply.

It’s been almost two months since I have started in the new hospital. The unit is not what I thought it would be… during the interview they said it was a geriatric-telemetry floor (just like the one I worked for), but it turned out it was a general medicine floor which used to be a geriatric unit. There are no signs of telemetry at all. This was fine with me, a general medicine floor means I get a broader scope of patients and not just the usual chest pain and syncope and collapse patients.

The first few weeks, I could not stop seeing the differences on how nurses are in my unit. Though responsibilities are greater; they are actually doing nursing care. They knew the plan for the patients, they knew why the patients are still there, the nurses gets to say “hey, this patient’s stable, he can go home. What’s keeping him?” or tell the oncoming nurse “this patient is still here because he needs home care and he has no insurance.” Stuff like that… during hand-off communication we actually tell the nurses what happened to the patient during our shift… and not say “I don’t know, I was busy. You think I have time for this?” or “I can’t give this med, it was not ordered during my time.” The professionalism is there, somehow.

As days goes by, staffing became tough. People were calling in sick and the admin claim that they are on a budget cut and can’t have people do overtime. Staff were stressed out, they vent on each other… it was just horror. On that day, the clinical coordinator came up to me and apologized, well not only her… so did a couple of other nurses. I wondered why they were apologizing… I totally understood where they were coming from and why they reacted the way they did. I used to see this kind of drama every single day, at the beginning, middle and end of the shift.

The 12-hour shift isn’t so bad… I just can’t get myself to leave my warm and strip away the blanket that’s keeping me from shivering each morning. I like the days too… the busy-ness of it makes time flies… and I think I have been able to manage my time well… I think! Although I don’t like how my preceptor does her schedule (two days on, one day off, one day on, two days off, two days on, one day one two days on…). I don’t know if I do my own scheduling would be better… even then, I still can’t imagine how I was able to survive coming in to work five days a week with alternating weekend off. I admit, I really didn’t have a life then… I would be too tired to do anything when I get home and wouldn’t have enough time to do all the things I want to get done before I went to work. Now, as I am doing days, I could find myself cooking something when I get home (as long as I am off the following day) or actually be able to do some chores and be able to enjoy the day that I’m off – since I could be off from work two or three consecutive days (I even had four days off at one point!).

Then you have the PCAs. I just can’t help but wonder sometimes how we really managed without them. I was talking to a friend who I used to work with. I told him that our patient ratio is 6 patients is to one nurse. He told me that they get the same load… then I reminded him that we get PCAs and they don’t. My point, exactly. It’s just funny how sometimes I would find myself making a bed or preparing a commode for a patient and think of how we used to do at LEAST 4 beds a night before our shift was over; the only time that we actually spend more than two minutes with a patient. How we used to run and put the patient on a commode and running to the next room to empty their foley, only to go back to the patient and clean after them.

I guess what I’m trying to say is… maybe the grass isn’t greener on the other side of the fence. There are also patches of brown and maybe some with bugs… but I think no matter how greener it is on the other side (or the lack of it), the most important thing is that we grow from what we are doing. We learn, and appreciate the things that we have experienced in the previous fence…

I’m still glad that I was able to experience what I have experienced. It may have made some of my skills dull, but it surely sharpened a different part of it. I’m just glad, now I think I am in the right place for growth.

i am officially 26!

this year's birthday wasn't a week long celebration (don't ask me how it became a week long celeb!), since i had to work on the day of, it was celebrated the day before and the day after.

the day before, horacio took the more relax route this year. we had dinner at astoria called Grand Cafe. the place and food was great. we had dipping platter to start and a bottle of white wine. for our entree i had the chicken kebob with mixed veggies and sweet potato fries (yum!). Horacio had their burger with fries. it was a nice dinner, talked about how my life has changed and my walk with the Lord. for dessert we had this really yummy greek dessert.. it was phyllo with some kind of custard in it... don't ask me what it was called it was a mouthful! the dessert was really good! it was light and not too sweet. although it was a nice evening, we couldn't walk around since i had to be home and get my night's sleep for the next day.

(from horacio)

the day of, went to work which was okay, for some part. it was a fairly quiet day, until it was time for us to give report... a patient coded. wasn't able to leave work unit almost 8! got tons of phone calls (which i missed all of it hence the voicemail!), text messages and e-greetings! (thanks to everyone who greeted and remembered!) as i got home, i was surprised with a nice arrangement of fruits from edible arrangements - from the estrellas! changed into my pjs and watched tv. it was a nice 'quiet' moment for me. was able to speak to my sister, dad, auntie fe and jacqueline for a good amount of time...

(from nancy, the estrellas and ahiya)

next morning, woke up rushing to get to sunday school and service. then waited for mom and the rest of the family for like 3 hours for us to celebrate my birthday over lunch. we had korean food at flushing. then horacio, wench and i headed out to madison square garden for the greg laurie harvest 08. met up with friends then had a late dinner at chipotle!

although, my birthday this year was very low key, it was great. i just feel blessed with my life right now and just happy that i was able to share it with those who matter most - my family.

A Tribute to Pablo.

I was able to finish work (really) early today. As I was walking out of the unit, I opened a message from horacio "I have bad news for you". I called him, and he broke the news to me. A patient that has been at Elmhurst for almost a year passed away. He came in, he was Eric's admission, very confused and in a bad state. He was on close observation (meaning, someone had to sit with him to make sure he is safe), for he was a really difficult patient. He was confused and spoke only Spanish, which made things a bit more difficult for us. I remember he would refuse all medications and blood sugar tests from everyone. But we found a way to give the antibiotics to him anyway. Soon, he would ask for that 'special' sandwich that the Chinita would give him. Once he gets it and eats it, I would ask him how the sandwich was and he would always say it's bitter yet would finish it in seconds! As days passed by, he got better... he wasn't being watched anymore, he was slowly walking on his own. His diagnosis resolved and would be seen walking around the unit all the time. He would eat so much! We would get two trays just for him, and he would even take the snacks for the other diabetic patients! He would be seen sitting down with another patient's family, chatting with them and when you pass by he'd tell you that that person is his friend.

Even with the language barrier, he would joke around with the nurses. He was actually a very naughty one… he would start saying things that you wouldn’t believe he was capable of saying, and we’d all just have a good laugh with him.

The last time I had him, he had a fever. We wouldn’t see him out of his room or even hear him beg for some galletas with jelly (he doesn’t like peanut butter!). We were all hoping and praying for him to get better. One night, since it was quiet, we were able to put him on a chair and gave him a good shower. The following day, his fever got better few days after that he was walking around again and hanging out at the patient’s lounge with his cap on tilted slightly to the right.

I don’t know if he fully knows me or remember me each day I say hi to him, or give him his meds. Since I have left the hospital, I would ask about him whenever I speak to someone from the unit. I would even ask Horacio how he was doing whenever Horacio tells me that he passed by the floor. When I came to visit, I made sure I passed by his room just to say hi and ask him how he was doing.

Last time I saw him was Saturday. They teased me about taking him home with me since (I think) they are having a hard time finding placement for him. They had told me that he wasn’t doing well again. Though most thought he would bounced back like he always did in the past.

Today, I was told that he was transferred to a different unit. He had coded there yesterday and was transferred once more in a more critical care unit, where he passed away.

I have had patients who had touched my heart, whom I had cared for dearly and passed away. With this one, I never thought I could get affected this way. I may not personally know him, his past life, who he really was. I guess, the things that I have known about him, his antics, him teasing the kids or other nurses about his eye, calling a nurse his friend and describing her as the one with the coca-cola bottle body, the one who changed his last name just because he thought the real one was too long and complicated. That was all that I needed to know, to treat him almost like family.

I know that whoever he was, he had a family, had loved someone, is now being missed by someone; he is in God’s grace now. Resting.

me likey...

these bootsies!!! :)

help!

i have been looking for a perfect pair of boots and pumps...

i want/need boots that i could wear during the winter season that would look nice with a dress (or skirt)! i need it to be really comfortable to walk around with and really nice looking. i want it with at least an inch or two heels. i am not a big fan of the stitches in front of it.. just a simple, sleek boots. black boots.

next is a pair (or three!) of nice pumps... something that i could wear with dresses and skirts (during the spring, summer and fall months) or with pants. again, something that is really comfortable that i could walk around with! i need it in black, beige and white.

if anyone has any idea where i could get these please let me know. i have been searching and each time i see one it just don't feel right. please direct me to the right store.

thanks! :)

*GASP*

eight days to go and i'm turning 27!! err... 26... whatever!

i think this is the first time that i didn't do my countdown. i used to start counting down at least a month ahead! no, i don't think it's the age thing... i just got so cought up with my new job and trying to adjust to the groove of the unit. although, i think i'm adjusting well andgetting along well with the staff (really well that i think they are plotting to fail my orientation just so i stay on days!).

another reason is that i'm working on the day off. though i'm off the day before and after, guess that made it even worst! horacio had planned something for me on the 17th (though we'd be meeting up with the wedding planner earlier that day)... sorry mom, don't think we could go away... my preceptor's schedule is really messed up. and i couldn't change it... the 19th, we'd be going to a Harvest concert at madison square - which we bought the tickets months ago!

though i want to do something... been thinking about it but i don't know what day to do it on... i'm afraid that it's gonna be on a weekday though.. we'll see..